Efficient Trick-or-Treating

Follow this advice if you want to score big on Halloween night!

Costume

Do not wear anything that feels uncomfortable, it gets in the way of running fast.

Do not wear anything that creates air resistance.

Do not carry a prop. Do not have anything you have to carry around all the time besides your trick-or-treat bag.

Do not wear anything heavy for obvious reasons.

Do not wear masks that you have to constantly adjust.

Make it real clothes, not cardboard.

Be something people recognize. If people are constantly asking you what you are supposed to be, it wastes time.

Stick with what works. There is no obligation to wear something different every time. Unless you are growing out of your costume, or have a new idea for a costume (that follows the efficiency rules) nobody will criticize you for wearing the same one.

Party

Be as alone as you can. More party members means more waiting. If you are young and your parents force you to go with other people, encourage them to go faster. There is nothing wrong with that.

Speed

Do not use rollerblades. Even though they go fast on the street, walking through grass and up driveways and stairs does not work for anyone. And when they go down streets, you might go too fast and miss houses on the way. Do not use a scooter either, putting it down and getting it back up wastes time. Just run. And yes, that does involve running practice. Adults might tell you not to run, but they are just paranoid. Seriously, do they think we are going to trip and fall or run into a tree or a car?

Run in a straight line, briefly sidestepping obstacles. And you should know to run in multiple straight lines if heavy shrubs are between you and the next house.

Less time talking, more time running!

It is completely okay to refuse candy you do not like. If you accept it, it only adds weight and takes up space.

If you get lost, do not worry. Just keep getting candy, you will be able to tell where you are in the morning.

Create an efficient route on paper.

Route

Draw a route on paper, and memorize it. Do not bring the paper with you.

If you are going into a dead end, stay on one side, and you will end up on the other when you leave.

On a loop, zigzag. On multiple loops, it is okay to cross the street, just do it as little as possible. Do not zigzag all the time, you will get to the houses on the other side eventually.

Try to overlap as little as possible. In a double loop, treat a road you have already been on as a dead end.

Do not concern yourself with staying close to your house so you can get back in time.

Candy

Bring a sturdy, big candy bag. Do not bring something with handles that rip, and especially do not bring something with bag structure that can rip, or your stash is ruined!

It is completely okay to refuse to trade. That will always end up in a net loss for someone, with a few rare exceptions for when both of you are completely okay with the trade because both of the traders have something that they do not want and the other person wants.

There cannot even be a best game ever

"This is the best game ever."

Do. Not. Ever. Say. This. Unless people agree with you, (Most people will not, I can guarantee that) this statement can easily vaporize your credibility (and when your credibility is gone, you will likely never see it again). Here is why: It is impossible for any video game to be the best. It is based on opinion. Even if everyone played every video game ever made (which is impossible because nobody has that much time and not every video game has been invented yet), and unanimously agreed without discussing it, their choice would still not truly be the best because it would still all be based on opinion. Unless you never play any other video game, there is a possibility that you might play a game that you like more. Be open to that, it could happen. And if the creators of these games believed they were the best, most of them would have quit their jobs. And if you insult others just because they do not agree with your opinions, you are being a "troll".

War on the N64

The N64 is the place for absurdly popular games. My favorite is, by far, Mario Golf 64, which consistently plays second fiddle to Mario Kart 64, Mario Party 1, and Paper Mario 1 in every "Top Blank Hundred Best Games Ever" list. First of all, it is just plain wrong to make lists that tell people that games other people like are better than games they like. And these lists are very predictable, resulting in one of four games topping the list every time. What is the point of keeping people in suspense and trying to surprise them if they already know that Super Mario Brothers 1 or The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is going to win? The answer is: the lists were made by Zelda fans, for Zelda fans to give even more praise to what is already the most overrated game ever. Zelda fans are trying to manipulate people into thinking that Final Fantasy fans are annoying, when really, Zelda fans are far worse. And if you make a list that tells people that their favorite game is not as good as other people's favorite games, you are insulting them. This is true!

I never understood the hype for Mario Kart 64. That game wasted a big part of my childhood. It was the first game I ever knew how to play. Sure, it has 16 courses, fast gameplay, and impeccable controls. But the programming completely ruined it. The AI and items were horribly unbalanced. On 50 and 100 CC, the computers were pathetic. You would get in first place every time unless you were horrible. On 150 CC, your computer opponents would hardly make any attempt to avoid items and obstacles, but you could never get a big lead on them. But do not worry, if you get 5th place or lower, you can try again for an infinite amount of times. No other Mario Kart game does that. The items are either near useless or grossly overpowered. Good driving is not rewarded, but punished. Being in the lead means you are the target for Spiny Shells and Red Shells. Battle mode is even worse- the racing part is fully removed, which means hitting each other with items is the only thing left. This could have been good, but you can sit on an item cube that gives you an endless supply of invincibility and weapons, as well as ambush people when Lakitu slowly places them down before they have a chance to accelerate. In Wario Stadium, you can get an easy lead if you use a thunder bolt on someone who is about to cross the big jump at the end. That is not a good strategy, that is cheapness! You can also save a ghost in time trial (two maximum, if your controller has a built-in memory pack) if you finish all three laps without hitting an obstacle, falling off the course, or even pausing. If you want to play Mario Kart, I suggest you go for the SNES, Gamecube, or DS ones.

Mario Party 1 is the start to one of those series' where many think the formula is flawless, and some think the series is milking a dead horse and wants it to not have new games anymore. If you are one of the latter group, you obviously do not like that particular series. Mario Party 1 is the beginning showcase of the truly over competitive nature of the cute-looking Mario Party series. Bad things happen to the losers, and the winners are glorified, being labeled as heroes and superstars if they can pummel their opponents in a mini game. This game feels like a compilation of rejected Mario Party ideas, and you can obviously tell because there are boards where the star is always in the same place and mini games that do not fit their category. Along with spinning the control stick, which everybody hates but many overlook in their reviews, there are mini games where players can just pummel the money out of their opponents, the best result for certain players being no money transferred because they cannot gain anything from those particular mini games. Fortunately, there are only two of these. Instead of giving the winners ten coins, they get the losers' coins. Stick with Mario Party 2 and 3.

Paper Mario 1 is a beginners RPG. It had unusual and interesting gameplay mechanics that were much-needed for RPGs, but that hardly matters because the game is so easy, "beginners RPG" does not even fit the description. The game gives you non-threatening enemies and loads you with items so much, you will be throwing out more items than you use. The game did not make any attempt to prevent me from abusing Toad Houses and Heart Blocks all the time. There are also bosses that become harmless when you use a certain ability (One of the bosses even does that to himself!). Just like The Legend of Zelda series, the game often fails at creating good puzzles because it just was not meant for them. The music is good, and so are the graphics and debugging. But it is sad-funny when fans of Mario RPGs pretend bosses are hard just because they are in games they like. The Gamecube sequel is a lot more highly recommended, because you have to pay to use Toad Houses and Heart Blocks. (meager amounts, but you still have to pay). The major reasons I recommend the sequel more are the superguard and the Pit of 100 Trials, the "beginners challenging optional dungeon", which does have actual difficulty and just fights rather than artificial lengthening in the form of story progression (which the sequel does have too). Hopefully, Paper Mario 3 will be difficult in the main story.

At first it does not sound like it, but Mario Golf 64 is awesome! The Mario Golf series, in my opinion, deserves all of the attention being stolen by The Legend of Zelda. It has easy-to-learn gameplay, complemented with a challenging variety of modes. If you cannot get anywhere in this game, this is what the Training mode is for! The first three characters in Match Game mode are only hard if you are seven years old, while later ones will make you completely forget how "hard" that Paper Mario boss was. The game can fit your "hardcore action" and "relaxation" desires, both at the same time! I would really love a Mario Golf game that reuses the gameplay, characters, and graphics from Mario Golf 64, and includes the content from the later games in the series! I recommend Mario Golf 64 for any gamer, including you. Hopefully, people will talk about the Mario Golf instead of The Legend of Zelda series or the Super Smash Brothers series; I feel lonely.

Big Duel in 1986

In 1986, two major Nintendo titles rocked the gaming world: The Legend of Zelda: The Hyrule Fantasy and Super Mario Brothers 2: The Lost Levels. Sadly, Lost Levels only rocked Japan. Everyone other than the Japanese were stuck with The Legend of Zelda. Yes, that is a bad thing. A very bad thing. Nintendo was under the misconception that Lost Levels was too challenging. They thought gamers in the NES era were not used to challenging games? Yet they are completely okay with an unfair game that was made for the sole purpose of laughing in gamers' faces? Lost Levels is the highlight of 2D Mario platforming games. Everything people liked about the original was copied onto it, except it now had beautiful backgrounds and tricky levels rather than corny backgrounds and rehashed levels. The songs are annoying to me, but they go great with the game's frustrating obstacle courses. The game is usually fair; cheap deaths caused by disappearing platforms and random enemies do not happen very often, and it is satisfying to make progress in.

The Legend of Zelda: The Hyrule Fantasy I find to be intolerable. It blows my mind how many people give it excessive praise and perfect scores in their reviews. The graphics are okay, the music is fine, there does not seem to be any glitches, but the gameplay is no fun. At all. Along with being a very slow walker, the heroic Link is incapable of jumping and walking diagonally. Also, he starts with a very small health meter and a high-tech but useless map. And this is definitely a bad time to be lacking in good survival conditions, because in this game, the once prosperous kingdom of Hyrule has been turned into a deadly war zone. There are groups of enemies everywhere you turn, and you have nothing but a wooden sword to stave them off with while you search for a dungeon that the game does not help you find at all. In fact, the game tries to trick you into thinking that the location of the next dungeon is really an area for later in the game. There is no telling which walls you can bomb or even walk through. This is one of those games where you have to use a guide. Guides take the fun out of games! The bosses were the last chance this game had to impress me, but they were pathetic. They even get rehashed later. At least the developers knew their place as minibosses in the later dungeons.

I really found Link to be a very respectable character. He is practically the symbol of heroism, always going new places to help other people, face dangers, and vanquish threats. Nintendo did not seem to find those to be favorable character qualities, which is why they tortured him in this game. The game has a pretty sad attempt at puzzles, they are either pathetic or so obscure, you have to use a guide (unless you are crazy). For some of the puzzles, (this happens more than once!) all you have to do is push a block. It seems they focused a lot more on battle. The body count in this game is so high, saying this game is a precursor to the controversial M and AO games of today is quite plausible. Sure, there is no blood, but the game often requires you to eliminate enemies in order to progress through a dungeon, and genocide is your main method of collecting money, items, and health. In Lost Levels, you generally avoid enemies most of the time, only stomping on one if you need a boost or they are completely in your way. You can only take one item from each cave (huh?) For the final punch in the face, the game felt the need to count your game overs! Ouch! This is supposed to create the illusion that you are improving quickly, but it is just there to encourage others to laugh at you. And in reality, the game gets easier as you progress. Your life meter will drastically increase, and you will have all sorts of weapons and items to plow through dungeons with. If you collect a fairy, you will fully recover from all of your damage. The game is a mix of elements that are too easy or too hard. The difficulty balancing is a mess. This is your money, do not spend it on The Legend of Zelda.

Controversial Video Game Critiques

Hi, my Internet user name is Luigi Golf, and that does not sound hardcore, but I am a very serious, very controversial video game critic, and I believe every gamer needs to know what I have to say. There are some very popular, overrated games out there that numerous fans are in a fanatical stupor for. I am trying to keep it real and credible, clearing every false statement and warped opinion out there. I will do what I can to avoid ways of being biased, because it is not my goal to buy and play almost any game I can find. I only decide to play on my own what I think I will enjoy, so I am thrifty. Very few games will be recommended. Along with critiques of various video games, I will provide strategies. These are not guides for games, but rather help on how to break habits and waste less time on your games. If you like artificial lengthening (which is putting unnecessary parts in a game that people like) then it is time to get mad and break through your contentment with time-wasting habits. If we are going to waste time playing video games, we better not waste even more time.