Long Lost Sequels and Wiimakes

With games that are in the same series as ones that came out a long time ago, such as Punch Out and Mega Man 9 and 10, many gamers have started obsessing about ideas of which direct sequels they want to see, such as Star Fox Wii or Pilot Wings Wii. And I have a few ideas of my own.

Even though they seem to dislike the Wii, fans of classic series' such as Star Fox and Pilot Wings have been obsessing about new sequels, and have started creating many ideas for them. Here is one of my ideas: Star Fox 2 on Virtual Console! I was not a big fan of Star Fox 64, but every aspect of Star Fox 2 looks awesome and right up my alley. As you already know, Star Fox 2 is a real game that was going to be released in 1995, but it was not. Nobody knows exactly why, but it seems to be because the N64 was coming up. To me, it is pretty silly how game companies think that games that are not for newer consoles will not sell well. Do they seriously think nobody liked the older console anymore?

Here is another one: Mario Golf 64 2! Same graphics, same gameplay, but completely different courses! Except no more cheating with save and quits. Combining the exclusive characters, graphics and gameplay with Mario Golf 64 with the content from later games in the series is a winning idea! And it would be played with only the classic controller, not the Game Cube controller or motion controls.

Upon completing all of the first eight worlds in Super Mario Brothers 2: The Lost Levels, which is my favorite 2D Mario platformer, I think that instead of a Super Mario Brothers 4, I think there should be a Super Mario Brothers 3: The Lost Levels. And no, I do not want it to be like the other Super Mario Brothers 3, which is a very fanboy-oriented game that I did not enjoy. I want this to have the same graphics, gameplay, and music as Super Mario Brothers 1 and 2: The Lost Levels. Even though I do not like the music, the game would not be the same with different music. And of course, I want it to be hard, just like Super Mario Brothers 2: The Lost Levels. Give the sequel of the Mario Brothers' alternate sequel some support!

People have a lot of ideas for Star Fox Wii, such as having cooperative play and counting high scores again. People who want a Pilot Wings Wii have barely created any ideas, and I understand, I do not have any ideas for it either. I was thinking that a Pilot Wings 2, which uses the Super FX 1 chip or Super FX 2 chip would be a good idea, since it would at least fix the problem of everything on the ground being flat. Some basic ideas would be combining the events from the two games and of course having big environments and new types of tests. I just hope that it will not be dumbed down in any way and there would still be music. I tend to be more agreeable with Pilot Wings fans, since they are not very fanatical. If they were, they would have created their own ideas rather than just left it up to the company that is more experienced in creating them.

I pitched in some ideas. Three of them were completely original and unconventional, and two of them were going along with other ideas that I liked. We can only hope- or can we?

Pilot Wings Experience

I have played both of the Pilot Wings games, which has its usual panel of fans who moan about nostalgia, think the games are perfect, and demand more. Usually, I would be slamming games for this, but I liked both of Pilot Wings games. The primary reason I liked them was because I was not collecting stuff. Rather, I was accomplishing stuff. It was all main game, there were no side-quests, there were only tests and levels that had to be completed. Sure, it is irritating to have to watch your hang-glider fly for three minutes just because you did not land correctly, but I found the games to be enjoyable because they were based on skill and had a good difficulty curve. There was also a good sense of going from novice to expert. And yes, they were pretty relaxing.

Pilot Wings 1 was much smaller and shorter than Pilot Wings 64. I mean it, I did everything there was to do in that game in three days. The graphics showed their age, but they were not bad, and I do not have any ideas on how to improve them. In the Sky Diving events on levels 2, 5, and 6, the white spheres/snow gets bigger as you go upwards, then gets smaller again as you go down. Despite being one of the first games on the N64, Pilot Wings 64 had some of the hugest environments on the console.

So far, I have not been very disagreeable. This does slightly have to do with the fact that the two Pilot Wings games are not nearly as hyped as some other games. There was nothing glaringly bad about Pilot Wings 1, except for the helicopter levels. They were a good attempt at a level idea, but they seem to be luck based. Helicopter Level 1 went from taking me lots of tries, to taking a few tries, to taking me lots of tries again. And I beat Helicopter Level 2 on my first try, proving once and for all that they are luck based. There is at least one place where I seriously disagree with fans of this game. My least favorite mode was Bird Man. It was way too slow paced, and it was pointless. The player is destined to either quit or crash. I totally support a Pilot Wings for the Wii.

By the way, it is ironic how the first two games for Nintendo's first console with four built-in controller ports were single-player games.

Predictable Gamers at Nintendo Power

This is my fifteenth blog-post! And that is somehow significant. Because it is a multiple of five, right? So I will celebrate the same way Nintendo Power did in their 250th issue- re-establishing facts I have already hammered home many times before.

In Nintendo Power's 250th issue, they did what I, the Controversial Gamer, abhor. They basically rehashed every bit of popular information they have drilled home in previous issues (Shigeru Miyamoto created these original NES games, which have memorable songs! The N64 controller was the first controller to have a control stick! Mario is a platforming hero, and he saves Peach a lot! Mega Man can absorb weapons from defeated Robot Masters! "Do A Barrel Roll" is a famous quote!, etcetera). When people read anything, they expect to discover new, surprising information. Tell them something they do not know! We get it, Earth Bound is a classic, and Metal Blades are powerful. What a waste of an opportunity that comes once every fifty issues.

And one more thing: in this issue, and most other Nintendo Power issues, there was not a single mention of Mario Golf. Mario Golf is a very underrated series, and it deserves fanatics and hype, as well as a huge section that takes up half an anniversary issue.

The Beginning of Sonic

Instead of explaining why I downloaded Sonic The Hedgehog 1 and 2, I will just skip ahead to the part where I play them.

Let me make this clear: I have absolutely no bias towards Mario, and I was more than willing to try Sonic. Every "good" (popular) video game series or franchise had humble beginnings, and Sonic The Hedgehog 1 is no exception. To be honest, I did not like it very much. The game had cheesy graphics, repetitive, screechy music, and what is with all of this waiting around in a game where the main character's defining attribute is his speed? Come on, I just want to zoom through zones! Other people who played my Wii liked it though, so I bought Sonic The Hedgehog 2 with them in mind. I enjoyed it a lot more, it was better in every way (except for bonus levels, but those are optional). The zones were big and showed the huge areas that the Genesis was capable of. The music and graphics were better too, they were very high-quality, unlike those in Sonic 1. The levels also had more creative enemies and obstacles. And plus, there was a new move: the Spin Dash. I love this move and I am glad it became a staple of the franchise! Whenever you stand still, you can press down, then one of the three buttons and your character will start spinning rapidly. If you let go, it is like pressing down while running, except you get to go fast while doing it, and not slow down to a stop, where you are a sitting duck. You can still press down while running though, but it will not have the same effect as spin-dashing. The bosses are more creative too, but they are still pretty easy. You have to be patient on bosses, but those take place in one screen, so I do not mind, and patience is a winning strategy. Even on the Metropolis Zone boss, said to be one of the hardest bosses in Sonic history, I found that the pattern is wait in the corner, jump when he floats to the side, jump again when he floats to the other side, wait in the corner for the balloons to go crazy, and when they form a stable circle, get in one hit. If you are impatient and try to hit him at any other time, you will get hit and become frustrated. When he does a laser attack, stand under him and jump. You win! That was not so hard, was it? If you want to get into Sonic, I suggest you start with Sonic The Hedgehog 2.

The NES days experience

Note: NES and SNES are pronounced "Ness" and "S-Ness" rather than "N.E.S." and "S.N.E.S." "Super N.E.S." is also a corny pronunciation. Just pronounce it how the acronym would be phonetically pronounced if it were one word, or say all the full words. For example, do not say "Super Nintendo".

After I got my Wii Shop Channel set up, I was very excited. Many people annoyingly moan about how great the days with older video games were, but for me, they had just begun. I was born in 1993, so I had missed out on the NES and SNES days. The first NES game I downloaded was NES Open Tournament Golf, the first game in one of my favorite series. And I have to say, I was very disappointed. The game was way too hard, in a bad way. I was obsessed with the next one I downloaded, Mega Man 1. I thought Mega Man 2 was pretty lame. I found Mega Man 3 to be better than them both. It fixed every single one of 1 and 2's problems. Mega Man 3 did not feel primitive, and it was fast paced. The colors were brighter and there were a lot less glitches and sprite flickering. The game even sacrificed artificial longevity for actual longevity! The next one I downloaded was Super Mario Brothers: The Lost Levels. The game was still built around the same limited engine that 1 was, but it far surpassed 1 in every way. I tried 2 and it was not very engaging, and 3 was such a huge letdown for me, I cried. That is why I did not buy 1, 2, or 3 for Virtual Console, I just bought Lost Levels. The next one, The Legend of Zelda: The Hyrule Fantasy, was loved to death by many, but I do not have the slightest clue why. It was devoid of action, or any sense of direction, and it had a body count that felt alien for a Nintendo game that was sold to kids. Many people love it, but I do not have any idea how anyone could tolerate it.

Maybe the NES days were not so hot. It seems like people have a bias towards games they played when they were younger, and condone their problems because they were older. To be honest, I would have hated to grow up during the years where the NES was the dominant console. It had no standards because Nintendo had no competition or previous consoles to compare it to. Challenges are good, but during the NES days, hard games were the norm, so young children barely had anything to be good at. Some games required guides just to figure out where to go next, taking a lot of the fun away and making them cash-ins for the companies. Most of the games on Virtual Console are NES games, and so are most of the games I downloaded (In that previous wall of text, I did not mention games I bought for other consoles). I would like to experience the SNES days that I missed out on. Some SNES games I would like to play are SNES Pilot Wings, Mega Man and Bass (Not the GBA version, the SNES version is way better) and hopefully an unreleased game, Star Fox 2.

Items and Power Ups

Many people, even those who enjoy the series, are aware of Mario Kart's notoriously unbalanced items. They have suggested getting rid of the really cheap ones, but I think it would be an even better idea to also slash the not-so-cheap items, or even to remove them altogether. When creators put items in their games- especially when they put them in games made for multiplayer rather than single player- there will always be at least one unbalanced item. Also, putting invincibility items in games or modes where the goal is to attack each other with items is a very abhorrent idea. Part of what makes items cheap are their randomness. Items are not to be confused with power ups, which are always in the same places and are not picked up by players, but rather enhance your character until they touch a certain thing or get hit or run out of time. Cheap items are also found in Super Smash Brothers games. The complete removal of items from most serieses, especially multiplayer serieses, would not hinder it at all.

The Newest Video Game Fantasy

A big part of the appeal of video games are the virtual fulfillment of fantasies and imaginings. Common ones are being someone who is really brave or strong, or being a legendary sports professional who wins a lot, or going really high speeds in cars or jets without concern of speeding penalties, or hanging out with attractive-looking people, sometimes girls who wear clothes that are sometimes not suited for their activity in the game (such as participating in a war or flying in space). One of the more recent ones has actually been out for a while- being someone who gets to participate in luxury that someone else paid for, like "the government" which people gripe about a lot and are the scapegoat these people use to make themselves look good. Again, this is not new, it started in the 1990s, and was even found in a lot of SNES and N64 games. Some good examples are Pilot Wings 64, Wii Sports Resort, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, the Star Fox series, and the Mario Kart series. Again, those are some examples.

Factors like over consumption and pollution are virtually nonexistent. There seems to be unlimited supplies, fuel, and for that matter, money. I know that cubes that mysteriously make items appear in your hands and fans and bats that teleport into stages- which are suspended in midair by massive jets on the bottom are common parts of game logic that gamers just accept, but it seems that all the money spent on bananas, bumpers, balloons, and floating intangible rings could have been used to rule the universe- or at least a solar system or a planet. Someone is paying lots of money just so Nintendo characters can mess around and hit each other. And part of the appeal to this particular fantasy is not knowing- or caring- who it is. I am not saying that you are a supporter of wasteful spending if you play a game that has these elements a lot, I am just making a point that many people desire to live in luxury at the expense of others, and become resentful when other people get those benefits. That is a theory I have about a part of the appeal of video games.

The Test of Multiplayer

Attention all game creators and advertisers! If you want to showcase the true power of your latest game's multiplayer, the way to do it is with not two, not four, but three players. Games are usually made for duels and four-player battles, and there can also be two-against-two matches. These games might feel akward when played with three players, as it is hard to balance the one computer in a 2 vs 2 match, and the features of the game (arenas, courses, items, etc) are usually made to fit 2 to 4 players, rather than three. I also find three-player matches to be more fun than two or four player ones. And please, include more cooperative play in your games; there are not enough of those compared to competitive modes.

Fix Mario platformers for the Wii

Nintendo, I have a problem with your newly localized edition of Super Mario Brothers: The Lost Levels. This is not the problem yet. I love this game and I think this was Nintendo's greatest effort with limited hardware. The game accomplishes its purpose of being very challenging and fun. There is no going back and grinding for power-ups or lives, and there is also no enhancing yourself, which means the player has to change and improve themselves instead of making the game easier for themselves. I also get to play it with my two favorite controllers in all of gaming. Now it is the problem. The game is already hard and unforgiving, and that is a bad combination with some of the glitches that have occurred. When I use the Classic Controller, I sometimes get paralyzed and become unable to move for a short period of time, as if it were unplugged. Even with just the Wiimote, the game sometimes slows down, which causes me to sometimes miss jumps I would have otherwise cleared. Also, the game even tweaks its own physics, which is very maverick of it. The speeds of my jumps can randomly change, causing me to be too short or overshoot jumps. This, combined with the game's small room for error and the consequence of going back to the beginning of the world make the game all the more frustrating (not fun) and unfair.

Every eleven years, Nintendo creates a Mario platformer that revolutionizes the genre. Even if they are not good, they will still have a strong influence on platformers, or any game for the entire system. Super Mario Galaxy 1 was the third in the line, netting the usual buildup of excitement and hype months before it was released. Sadly, I found it to be just as easy as the two previous ones, and also very linear and even condescending (For example, a bunny tells you that you can press the A button to jump, and the tutorials go well into the second dome). The Star Bits served almost no other purpose than to extend the play-time in an already long game. I liked the prankster comets. My favorite one is the Daredevil comet. I think there should have been more of those rather than purple comets. Some of the purple comets were challenging, but most of them had no other challenge in them than searching for coins for ten minutes with no danger of enemies. I also liked the three Star Ball levels. Hopefully, Super Mario Galaxy 2 will have less linearity, more prankster comet missions, more Star Ball missions, more Find Luigi missions, more ray surfing and bubble blowing and everything else that was a break from standard platforming in Super Mario Galaxy 1. I believe that game, with its automatic influential power, is responsible for the Wii being regarded by many as a dumbed-down non-gamer console. The Wii has almost unimaginable potential, and I would like to see you make the most of it. It takes the torque of two new Mario platformers to steer the future of the Wii in the right direction. New Super Mario Brothers Wii was a step in the right direction, and hopefully, gamers will not have to wait until Super Mario Universe 1 gets released in 2018 for a stellar platforming experience.

Stop whining about nostalgia

Gamers are so predictable. Whenever they listen to songs from games they played when they were younger, they go through their predictable routine of talking or typing how good games used to be and how bad they are now, and state the obvious by saying that gameplay is more important than graphics. We get it already: companies should just stop making new consoles, and video games should never change. Change happens all the time, get used to it. Besides, your dwelling on the past and bias towards games you played when you were younger is (hopefully) getting on the nerves of many. As you might already know, I do not have less potential favor for video games I own more recently. Not being biased is your first step towards being a credible reviewer. Also, stop comparing your favorite Nintendo games to the Halo series. I am not for Halo, but it just sounds childish.

The Wii gets a lot of negative criticism from nostalgia-obsessed gamers. It is not a bad system at all. In fact, it is an excellent idea that has not been living up to near its full potential. The console has everything it needs, from a wide variety of settings to neat controllers, but the console is in trouble because the download titles are more popular than the discs. That is how you know a console is in trouble. There is nothing wrong with good graphics or motion controls. To me, the execution of games matters. If the game is not well executed, the gimmicks and extras do not matter. But if the game is good, nifty features give it even more of a boost. Nintendo knows that if they keep playing the nostalgia card, gamers are going to get angry and go on their "this is rehashed and rushed" rants. Unfortunately, most reviewers think whatever they say is right, period (this is one of those things where people go "that applies to other people, not me and my friends" without even checking). Nintendo knows that in order to win and prevent those rants, they have no other direction to go than forward, so that is what they are going to do.

Just Another Mario Game

This statement will probably totally rock your world, but it contains a lot of truth: Super Mario Brothers 1 is "just another Mario game" by today's standards. I am not saying Mario games have gotten better, I am saying that they do offer more new content. For example, Super Mario Galaxy 1 was easy and shallow, but it did offer some unique gimmicks and content. Unless it was one of your first Mario games, Super Mario Brothers 1 is completely skippable because it offers nothing new. It is short and simple, with uninspired level design and overly repetitive graphics and music.

Super Mario 64 is definitely not "just another Mario game". It is likely the most replayable game ever. There are many glitches and unintended ways to get stars, and the game is very fast-paced. The music is beautiful. It offers a lot of variety, including moves. I hope the B button moves get implemented in future 3-D Mario platforming games, rather than getting knocked out by the spin move or something as near-useless as Star Bit-shooting. Super Mario Galaxy 1 cannot be called the true sequel to Super Mario 64 because it was too linear, and there were not enough moves and coins to collect.

With its long title, New Super Mario Brothers Wii sounds like just another Mario game, but it is not at all. When it was first announced, nobody got excited about it because they thought it would be a shallow, easy, condescending stereotype of a Wii game. Unlike New Super Mario Brothers DS, which rehashed elements form past Mario platforming games, the Wii edition offers lots of new content, not just the multiplayer mode. The game is also made to be one of the more difficult Mario platformers. Nintendo knows they have turned off many of their fans, and is trying hard to make it up and break the stereotype of the Wii being non-gamer bait. Hopefully, New Super Mario Brothers Wii and Super Mario Galaxy 2 will offer a higher difficulty level, more replay value, and more replayability. One thing I have to add though. If Nintendo wants players to cooperate, they should fix the multiplayer mode in N.S.M.B.W. because players always get ranked after, so there is not enough motivation to cooperate.

The most unique game

Usually, for whatever video game is your favorite, you will praise it in every category, including "most unique". If you pick the same game for every category, you are a fangirl/fanboy, especially if you think your favorite game deserves to be in the category of "most unique". Here is a perfect example: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

If you think that game is the most unique game ever just because you like it a lot, you are dead wrong! That game is as unoriginal as it gets. And I am not saying that the game is bad or sub-par, because it is decent if you can get past the fact that Link still cannot run very fast or jump, but the game has no original ideas whatsoever. Anyone who thinks this game has lots of original ideas needs to research (and maybe play) more adventure games that were invented before O.O.T., because every element from the main story, except for the throwaway gimmick that the game is titled after, was pretty much copied and pasted from something else.

Now I will be specific, and mark everything that was copied from another game with an *. So here goes: Link starts the game as a kid with humble beginnings*, who lives in a forest/rural, off-track, peaceful area* and is called to be a hero by someone he has never met*, so he gets his basic starter weapons (a generic sword and shield)*, and his adventures take him through a big tree*, a cave* a sea creature's innards*, time travel*, a forest*, a volcanic mountain*, an ice cavern*, a water area* (where he fights a clone of himself*), a creepy underground dungeon*, a desert*, a fortress where he has to use stealth*, a sand temple*, and the big final evil castle*, where he fights someone much older than he is*, then there is an escape-before-the-building-self-destructs sequence*, and then there is a second phase of the final boss where the really old antagonists turns into a huge beast*. There are also bosses that live in lava*, simple mini games*, a consumerist town with people who are not very friendly*, typical weapons (arrows, bombs, etc)* and throughout the game, you save like four princesses****.

If you want a unique game with completely original ideas, Mario Golf 64 is as radical as you can get. It is a product of when Nintendo thought backward. Instead of creating vast environments, realistic graphics, and epic, loud soundtracks, the game featured blocky characters, simple textures with translucent obstacles, and a peaceful soundtrack that quietly plays when you make your moves. The game features normal humans, which are fully dressed in simple clothes (in video games?!). None of their personalities qualify as annoying. It may look kiddy, but it is actually sophisticated, mature, and deep. The game also does not push you to do everything and waste your time on modes that you do not like to get everything complete. There really is no point where you have done everything in the game. There are always charts, records, and data to fill and improve. I recommend Mario Golf 64 to any fan of any series, period.

Efficient Trick-or-Treating

Follow this advice if you want to score big on Halloween night!

Costume

Do not wear anything that feels uncomfortable, it gets in the way of running fast.

Do not wear anything that creates air resistance.

Do not carry a prop. Do not have anything you have to carry around all the time besides your trick-or-treat bag.

Do not wear anything heavy for obvious reasons.

Do not wear masks that you have to constantly adjust.

Make it real clothes, not cardboard.

Be something people recognize. If people are constantly asking you what you are supposed to be, it wastes time.

Stick with what works. There is no obligation to wear something different every time. Unless you are growing out of your costume, or have a new idea for a costume (that follows the efficiency rules) nobody will criticize you for wearing the same one.

Party

Be as alone as you can. More party members means more waiting. If you are young and your parents force you to go with other people, encourage them to go faster. There is nothing wrong with that.

Speed

Do not use rollerblades. Even though they go fast on the street, walking through grass and up driveways and stairs does not work for anyone. And when they go down streets, you might go too fast and miss houses on the way. Do not use a scooter either, putting it down and getting it back up wastes time. Just run. And yes, that does involve running practice. Adults might tell you not to run, but they are just paranoid. Seriously, do they think we are going to trip and fall or run into a tree or a car?

Run in a straight line, briefly sidestepping obstacles. And you should know to run in multiple straight lines if heavy shrubs are between you and the next house.

Less time talking, more time running!

It is completely okay to refuse candy you do not like. If you accept it, it only adds weight and takes up space.

If you get lost, do not worry. Just keep getting candy, you will be able to tell where you are in the morning.

Create an efficient route on paper.

Route

Draw a route on paper, and memorize it. Do not bring the paper with you.

If you are going into a dead end, stay on one side, and you will end up on the other when you leave.

On a loop, zigzag. On multiple loops, it is okay to cross the street, just do it as little as possible. Do not zigzag all the time, you will get to the houses on the other side eventually.

Try to overlap as little as possible. In a double loop, treat a road you have already been on as a dead end.

Do not concern yourself with staying close to your house so you can get back in time.

Candy

Bring a sturdy, big candy bag. Do not bring something with handles that rip, and especially do not bring something with bag structure that can rip, or your stash is ruined!

It is completely okay to refuse to trade. That will always end up in a net loss for someone, with a few rare exceptions for when both of you are completely okay with the trade because both of the traders have something that they do not want and the other person wants.

There cannot even be a best game ever

"This is the best game ever."

Do. Not. Ever. Say. This. Unless people agree with you, (Most people will not, I can guarantee that) this statement can easily vaporize your credibility (and when your credibility is gone, you will likely never see it again). Here is why: It is impossible for any video game to be the best. It is based on opinion. Even if everyone played every video game ever made (which is impossible because nobody has that much time and not every video game has been invented yet), and unanimously agreed without discussing it, their choice would still not truly be the best because it would still all be based on opinion. Unless you never play any other video game, there is a possibility that you might play a game that you like more. Be open to that, it could happen. And if the creators of these games believed they were the best, most of them would have quit their jobs. And if you insult others just because they do not agree with your opinions, you are being a "troll".

War on the N64

The N64 is the place for absurdly popular games. My favorite is, by far, Mario Golf 64, which consistently plays second fiddle to Mario Kart 64, Mario Party 1, and Paper Mario 1 in every "Top Blank Hundred Best Games Ever" list. First of all, it is just plain wrong to make lists that tell people that games other people like are better than games they like. And these lists are very predictable, resulting in one of four games topping the list every time. What is the point of keeping people in suspense and trying to surprise them if they already know that Super Mario Brothers 1 or The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is going to win? The answer is: the lists were made by Zelda fans, for Zelda fans to give even more praise to what is already the most overrated game ever. Zelda fans are trying to manipulate people into thinking that Final Fantasy fans are annoying, when really, Zelda fans are far worse. And if you make a list that tells people that their favorite game is not as good as other people's favorite games, you are insulting them. This is true!

I never understood the hype for Mario Kart 64. That game wasted a big part of my childhood. It was the first game I ever knew how to play. Sure, it has 16 courses, fast gameplay, and impeccable controls. But the programming completely ruined it. The AI and items were horribly unbalanced. On 50 and 100 CC, the computers were pathetic. You would get in first place every time unless you were horrible. On 150 CC, your computer opponents would hardly make any attempt to avoid items and obstacles, but you could never get a big lead on them. But do not worry, if you get 5th place or lower, you can try again for an infinite amount of times. No other Mario Kart game does that. The items are either near useless or grossly overpowered. Good driving is not rewarded, but punished. Being in the lead means you are the target for Spiny Shells and Red Shells. Battle mode is even worse- the racing part is fully removed, which means hitting each other with items is the only thing left. This could have been good, but you can sit on an item cube that gives you an endless supply of invincibility and weapons, as well as ambush people when Lakitu slowly places them down before they have a chance to accelerate. In Wario Stadium, you can get an easy lead if you use a thunder bolt on someone who is about to cross the big jump at the end. That is not a good strategy, that is cheapness! You can also save a ghost in time trial (two maximum, if your controller has a built-in memory pack) if you finish all three laps without hitting an obstacle, falling off the course, or even pausing. If you want to play Mario Kart, I suggest you go for the SNES, Gamecube, or DS ones.

Mario Party 1 is the start to one of those series' where many think the formula is flawless, and some think the series is milking a dead horse and wants it to not have new games anymore. If you are one of the latter group, you obviously do not like that particular series. Mario Party 1 is the beginning showcase of the truly over competitive nature of the cute-looking Mario Party series. Bad things happen to the losers, and the winners are glorified, being labeled as heroes and superstars if they can pummel their opponents in a mini game. This game feels like a compilation of rejected Mario Party ideas, and you can obviously tell because there are boards where the star is always in the same place and mini games that do not fit their category. Along with spinning the control stick, which everybody hates but many overlook in their reviews, there are mini games where players can just pummel the money out of their opponents, the best result for certain players being no money transferred because they cannot gain anything from those particular mini games. Fortunately, there are only two of these. Instead of giving the winners ten coins, they get the losers' coins. Stick with Mario Party 2 and 3.

Paper Mario 1 is a beginners RPG. It had unusual and interesting gameplay mechanics that were much-needed for RPGs, but that hardly matters because the game is so easy, "beginners RPG" does not even fit the description. The game gives you non-threatening enemies and loads you with items so much, you will be throwing out more items than you use. The game did not make any attempt to prevent me from abusing Toad Houses and Heart Blocks all the time. There are also bosses that become harmless when you use a certain ability (One of the bosses even does that to himself!). Just like The Legend of Zelda series, the game often fails at creating good puzzles because it just was not meant for them. The music is good, and so are the graphics and debugging. But it is sad-funny when fans of Mario RPGs pretend bosses are hard just because they are in games they like. The Gamecube sequel is a lot more highly recommended, because you have to pay to use Toad Houses and Heart Blocks. (meager amounts, but you still have to pay). The major reasons I recommend the sequel more are the superguard and the Pit of 100 Trials, the "beginners challenging optional dungeon", which does have actual difficulty and just fights rather than artificial lengthening in the form of story progression (which the sequel does have too). Hopefully, Paper Mario 3 will be difficult in the main story.

At first it does not sound like it, but Mario Golf 64 is awesome! The Mario Golf series, in my opinion, deserves all of the attention being stolen by The Legend of Zelda. It has easy-to-learn gameplay, complemented with a challenging variety of modes. If you cannot get anywhere in this game, this is what the Training mode is for! The first three characters in Match Game mode are only hard if you are seven years old, while later ones will make you completely forget how "hard" that Paper Mario boss was. The game can fit your "hardcore action" and "relaxation" desires, both at the same time! I would really love a Mario Golf game that reuses the gameplay, characters, and graphics from Mario Golf 64, and includes the content from the later games in the series! I recommend Mario Golf 64 for any gamer, including you. Hopefully, people will talk about the Mario Golf instead of The Legend of Zelda series or the Super Smash Brothers series; I feel lonely.

Big Duel in 1986

In 1986, two major Nintendo titles rocked the gaming world: The Legend of Zelda: The Hyrule Fantasy and Super Mario Brothers 2: The Lost Levels. Sadly, Lost Levels only rocked Japan. Everyone other than the Japanese were stuck with The Legend of Zelda. Yes, that is a bad thing. A very bad thing. Nintendo was under the misconception that Lost Levels was too challenging. They thought gamers in the NES era were not used to challenging games? Yet they are completely okay with an unfair game that was made for the sole purpose of laughing in gamers' faces? Lost Levels is the highlight of 2D Mario platforming games. Everything people liked about the original was copied onto it, except it now had beautiful backgrounds and tricky levels rather than corny backgrounds and rehashed levels. The songs are annoying to me, but they go great with the game's frustrating obstacle courses. The game is usually fair; cheap deaths caused by disappearing platforms and random enemies do not happen very often, and it is satisfying to make progress in.

The Legend of Zelda: The Hyrule Fantasy I find to be intolerable. It blows my mind how many people give it excessive praise and perfect scores in their reviews. The graphics are okay, the music is fine, there does not seem to be any glitches, but the gameplay is no fun. At all. Along with being a very slow walker, the heroic Link is incapable of jumping and walking diagonally. Also, he starts with a very small health meter and a high-tech but useless map. And this is definitely a bad time to be lacking in good survival conditions, because in this game, the once prosperous kingdom of Hyrule has been turned into a deadly war zone. There are groups of enemies everywhere you turn, and you have nothing but a wooden sword to stave them off with while you search for a dungeon that the game does not help you find at all. In fact, the game tries to trick you into thinking that the location of the next dungeon is really an area for later in the game. There is no telling which walls you can bomb or even walk through. This is one of those games where you have to use a guide. Guides take the fun out of games! The bosses were the last chance this game had to impress me, but they were pathetic. They even get rehashed later. At least the developers knew their place as minibosses in the later dungeons.

I really found Link to be a very respectable character. He is practically the symbol of heroism, always going new places to help other people, face dangers, and vanquish threats. Nintendo did not seem to find those to be favorable character qualities, which is why they tortured him in this game. The game has a pretty sad attempt at puzzles, they are either pathetic or so obscure, you have to use a guide (unless you are crazy). For some of the puzzles, (this happens more than once!) all you have to do is push a block. It seems they focused a lot more on battle. The body count in this game is so high, saying this game is a precursor to the controversial M and AO games of today is quite plausible. Sure, there is no blood, but the game often requires you to eliminate enemies in order to progress through a dungeon, and genocide is your main method of collecting money, items, and health. In Lost Levels, you generally avoid enemies most of the time, only stomping on one if you need a boost or they are completely in your way. You can only take one item from each cave (huh?) For the final punch in the face, the game felt the need to count your game overs! Ouch! This is supposed to create the illusion that you are improving quickly, but it is just there to encourage others to laugh at you. And in reality, the game gets easier as you progress. Your life meter will drastically increase, and you will have all sorts of weapons and items to plow through dungeons with. If you collect a fairy, you will fully recover from all of your damage. The game is a mix of elements that are too easy or too hard. The difficulty balancing is a mess. This is your money, do not spend it on The Legend of Zelda.

Controversial Video Game Critiques

Hi, my Internet user name is Luigi Golf, and that does not sound hardcore, but I am a very serious, very controversial video game critic, and I believe every gamer needs to know what I have to say. There are some very popular, overrated games out there that numerous fans are in a fanatical stupor for. I am trying to keep it real and credible, clearing every false statement and warped opinion out there. I will do what I can to avoid ways of being biased, because it is not my goal to buy and play almost any game I can find. I only decide to play on my own what I think I will enjoy, so I am thrifty. Very few games will be recommended. Along with critiques of various video games, I will provide strategies. These are not guides for games, but rather help on how to break habits and waste less time on your games. If you like artificial lengthening (which is putting unnecessary parts in a game that people like) then it is time to get mad and break through your contentment with time-wasting habits. If we are going to waste time playing video games, we better not waste even more time.